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woe, journal zone

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im considering moving this site over to ichi.city tbh, but im not sure yet. should i actually do it?

oh god im gonna start working in a few days. nope. dont like that.
also i lost my save file for red dead redemption, so that sucks goddamnit i had 1000 dollars

for some reason??? im slowly getting back into tolkien books thanks to lego the hobbit
ok i was kidding about the tolkien part, its all sauron. oops
idk why?? but when i was 12 to 13 i was REALLY obsessed with mairon silmarillion. but back then i wasnt a huge fan of the armoured sauron we see in teh movies
but nowadays as you all know im uh, "obsessed" with guys in armours. all thanks to final fantasy's sexy armoured villains trio, garland golbez and exdeath
thanks to these three ass ripping guys, i now have an, *AHEM* armour fetish *AHEM*
so its kinda funny to see the fictional character i seriously like hardcore 100% selfship hard being in my main f/o list (I GUESS)

just got back from my family's vacation to langkawi, it was really okay.
i got myself a fidget slug and im obsessed with it.
i also just finished setting up my ko-fi account, now what

still worried about my life.. but i did actually learn more about html a bit and i get to draw more again

heh, im done with school. spm is over. now what? i feel so pointless and worthless. im definitely not going into college, it was hard for me to do it. man why do i even live anyways

man, its so hard to believe that im almost donw with school. i didnt really feel like an adult tho despite being 18 now.

heyyyy long time no entry.
so like, spm is this friday, and im nervous as fuck about this. im not even sure if i can even pass. it sucks.
i have no hope and future, literally all i want is to leave my family and actually be able to do the bare minimum involving my health. sure, healthcare is free in malaysia. but guess what? i cant improve myself as long as i live with my family.
i just want to leave this hellhole, but i cant because im a huge dissappointment

oh god its my birthday, im 18 years old now... ok tbh i dont really feel that old but wow im basically a full on adult required to learn how to drive now.
except, i dont really feel old tbh. maybe eventually it would hit me in like 4 years i guess

spm is officially on and all these fucking kem and shit is just overwhelming aughhhhh i just want the school year to end

this might be the last time i get to fuck around and find out before slowly killing myself with spm...
and of course its the same day i found a neat site to watch cartoons as well as a new sketchbook.
goddamnit, im really a failure huh

nothing much going on.
okay i lied, im fucking sick to my stomach about the future. im gonna be 18 in a week or so, i have spm coming up, and i have to get a full time job. its just so fucking stressful.

today is... better? the morning i woke up i felt better? what the hell? yeah. thats pretty much it, that morning i woke earlier and i had the urge to just reblog few posts where i ramble in the tags more than usual. and until now (2am 21st..) im still fine. what the hell....
by the way, i might not be online that much due to the fact that i have to stay over my grandmother's house

so today i decided why not make one of those personal journal entries on my site. so yeah, i have nothing to add.
well not really actually. today sucks, last night i had an awful nightmare where i assume is what would happen if im just continuing my life in this state. constantly overworking myself to study.
it just sucks. doesnt help that my mom's is an asshole, she doesnt give a shit about me. ill admit ive always fely more attached to her more than my dad and sibling, but i know she fucking hates. the only people who cares about me are my online friends, but i always dread the day they finally got sick of me. because thats what always happens to me, my old friend group just kicked me out back in 2021 and another decided to just treat me like i never existed. and honestly, i'd take my cousin and current online friends over these assholes over my parents. sekian terima fucking kasih.